If Loving You is Wrong…

Waiting and waiting in waiting rooms.

I am embarrassed to say that I love being right. It is childish and and annoying and probably a sign of insecurity. Am I right? I bet I am. 

Do you remember the scene in the movie Clueless where high-school aged Cher schooled her step-brother’s super-smart college girlfriend? It went like this:

Heather: It’s just like Hamlet said, “To thine own self be true.”

Cher: Hamlet didn’t say that.

Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.

Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn’t say that. That Polonius guy did.

Classic.

Well, I love being right, except when I predict scary, dark, unbelievable things. Like cancer. 

I received a call last night from my oncologist. He let me know that my scans indicated that my situation was “far worse” than expected. The cancer is spreading at a rapid rate in my lungs.

I also found out last night that I DO have cancer on my pelvic bone. My doctor confirmed that the scans showed “hot spots” (cancerous activity) in my pelvis–specifically a tumor wrapped around the right part of my pelvic bone. Remember when I felt like I had been kicked between the legs? Well, now I know what has been causing the pain. Cancer. Just like I predicted that ominous night in the bathtub. 

So, what does this mean?

I don’t have time to waste. My oncologist suggests that I start chemotherapy right away. We spent most of last evening on the phone trying to find an oncologist in Baton Rouge who would see me, prescribe, and administer chemo as soon as possible. 

My oncologist (who leaves town for two weeks on Monday) finally found a colleague in Houston who agreed to see me, work on the approval process, AND start chemo on Monday. This happened around 8:40 last night. These doctors… these angels… along with a doctor friend of ours in New Orleans, worked tirelessly yesterday: making phone calls, begging for favors, exchanging ideas to save my life (or at least buy me some time.) 

******

Last night, Nani (my five year old) walked into my bedroom and saw me crying. More than a dozen wet wadded tissues were scattered around me on the bed. 

“Mommy! Are you ok?” She asked. Her face was covered with worry. 

“Yes, my baby. Mommy is just a little sad,” I said, attempting to normalize my voice. 

“I think…” she said, her eyes bright with confidence, one hand on her hip. She took the other hand and pointed at me, knowingly. “You just need peaceful rest. And, don’t forget that God is always with you.”

My husband walked in the door behind her. He had been listening. 

He walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek. I was curled up in our bed sniffling and trying to wipe away tears.

He looked into my eyes. “That’s right. You hear that, mommy? Rest and God.”

*******

So, that’s my plan. Rest. God. And, chemo. 

Breathe, baby, breathe. I can do this. 

*******

Please keep praying for us. Pray as we leave our children again. Pray that the chemotherapy works to stop cancer growth in my body. Pray that I don’t have terrible reactions to the chemo. And, pray for my sweet husband. He holds my hand through all this and that isn’t easy. 

And, laugh for me. It’s the best medicine. Love and blessings, V

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oLEdZb4PkGM

15 thoughts on “If Loving You is Wrong…

  1. Sometimes we think we are right but the things we think/hear aren’t always of God. Protect your precious mind and pray that the only voice you ever hear is the voice of God! Tell Him that you don’t always want to be right – and that He is right ALWAYS!!! Dear Jesus I pray that the only voice Veronica hears is your voice! Jesus you are Lord! Love you and Praying for you always! ✝️

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  2. Mrs. V, I am one of your prayer warriors and God didn’t take you this far to leave you. Continue to write your journey because your testimony will help someone get saved. I pray that God will bind those Abnormal cells and heal your body completely. Just continue to have faith of a mustard seed and also remember the woman with the issue of blood. She kept saying and believing if she just touched the hem of Jesus Christ she would be whole again. God said if three would gather in his name that he would be in the mist. God is in control and when it’s said and done you will have a wonderful testimony.

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  3. Good morning, Veronica . I just read your Blog and again, we want you to know in your heart that we are continuing to pray for you and your precious family. Let God wrap his precious arms around you and carry you through this most painful journey. You are an amazing woman with so much faith and strength. Like your baby said “rest ” and “God”. Prayers for your healing grace. We love y’all …

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  4. I went to high school with Will. I am praying for you guys!!! Will you have a host of family at home praying for you guys!!!! We love you and hope all goes well.

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  5. What a special young woman you are! You are such a blessing to your family, friends and your huge farm bureau family. We love you and Will so very much. Just want you to know that you have zillions if prayers going up for you and your precious family. Thanks for blessing us with your friendship. We love you sweetie!

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    1. Oh dear June- you mean the world to my family. You and Billy have done so much for Will. And, I will forever be grateful for the love that you’ve shown. I wish we were all together this week. ❤️

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  6. I am praying hard for you! God is always with us and he will never leave our side, not even for one single second. You are never alone in this. You are covered with an abundance of prayers.

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  7. I am praying for peace and comfort for you on the journey you must travel down! The Lord will walk beside you on this long lost difficult journey! When you feel like you can’t continue He will carry you! Put your faith in The Lord and he will never let you down!
    P.S. I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer on June 13, 2012
    Love in Crist,
    Sarah Pipes

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    1. Wow, Sarah. You just had your five year anniversary! Congratulations. I am so grateful for stories like yours. God bless you.

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  8. Hi Veronica, just stumbled on your blog last night, beautiful. I love that you are documenting your journey. Then I realized you are Olga’s baby. Your story hit home quickly and I am here to tell you MD Anderson is the best. My mother was diagnosed with stage IV in 1997. MD Anderson took her in, when Lubbock would not and she is still here today. It is a journey for the entire family, I know, but we are closer than ever because of it. Praying for you guys and your entire family. Love in Christ, Lorie

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